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The Philosophy Discussion Dueling Grounds.


Sensible Steps to being a sensible human bean.

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going back to the article i posted a while back:

U researcher: More sex partners before marriage doesn’t necessarily lead to divorce

"But the surprising thing, Wolfinger said, is that women with exactly two premarital sex partners have consistently higher divorce rates than women with three to nine partners.

“In short, if you’re going to have comparisons to your [future] husband, it’s best to have more than one,” said Wolfinger. He added that sexual behavior has changed significantly throughout recent decades.

“How has sexual behavior changed in recent years? Most answers to this question involve hooking up, the idea that young people are having sexual encounters outside of committed relationships. It’s almost beside the point that millennials tend to have fewer sex partners than people born in the 1950s and 1960s. Public perceptions emphasize youthful licentiousness, and today’s young adults do have lengthier sexual biographies than do people born prior to 1950. Still, the extent of hooking up has been exaggerated by a prurient and overheated media and sometimes by young people themselves,” Wolfinger said."

So yeah.. looks like the best thing to do is
date, have fun, explore and find your limits... with safety and within reason.

On the flipside. I was reading an interview with a filmmaker (Anna Biller) about how the whole "sexual revolution" in the 60's just ended up in men using women to indulge in their "own fantasies" (and gaining major props for it) while women experienced a failure to actually indulge their sexuality while still gaining any amount of respect. So, i guess, when going the "fetishist route" it's probably best to keep in mind the question of whether one is actually living their own fantasies or just being a prop in someone else's. #randomthoughts

From what ive heard the majority of women in the hippie era really didnt exactly enjoy being expected to have sex with everyone all the time. As in it being so socially acceptable and "wanted" that it was difficult to object if you still wanted to somehow fit in. This plus the fact that condoms werent as normal and convenient to get as they are now (plus probably the general spirit of "let it all be free and unrestricted") and the speed of folks hooking up and probably diseases spreading ... it does sound quite troublesome and in this regard im quite happy to live in the era i do (that would be one of the rare good things tho)

I cant understand how people can seriously compare their partner to their ex-partners (in a "why arent you like blabla, why dont you do this like that blabla") unless they are dating an awfully similar type of person all the time. People are different by character, by life experience and my thought processes. Plus its a different time and a different environment. How could one possible try to compare people then..
Unless maybe something like "my bf is so sweet, he takes time to talk about things and ideas and actually really sees me, not like my ex whod just come home and go straight to tv watching and whiskey drinking without even saying hi and just talk to my direction when he needed something done or food prepared"
In any way, if you find too many comparisons going on in your head then its time to either give your partner a big smooch for being the way they are, or its time to leave them, if the situation is that bad.

? I think the comparisons that the researcher means are in the "this guy is less of an asshole than my ex and he's got his shit together and he's more compatible with me in terms of likes, dislikes" Type of stuff.

Addendum - Anna Biller has a blog.
And it's pretty interesting:

"I am so sick of people calling movies “feminist.” In the past few years, critics, fans, and academics have called nearly every movie they like feminist, hoping it will give a stamp of approval to the movies they like and raise their critical status. But very few films are feminist, nor should they be. What used to be thought of as just normal in a movie—i.e., viewing women as human—is now praised as a special accomplishment, especially if that movie is directed by a man.

If one examines the films from the 1930s, every movie featuring women had at least one strong, smart, human woman with good lines and solid character development, and many films featured women as main characters. Those films were studies of human nature, stories about real types of people in domestic situations. These movies were made before the backlash against the second wave feminist movement and the lifting of censorship codes, both of which happened at precisely the same time in the 1960s, in which a certain type of violence and aggression towards women that we are so familiar with today was not apparent in culture yet. Women were sexualized in many earlier movies and in men’s magazines, but usually not violently, and censorship codes required that the kinkier and more aggressive modes of expression would remain either unexpressed, or buried firmly in the underground."

later in the blog - "The over-use of the word feminism has rendered it entirely meaningless as a serious political topic, making it easier and easier for everyone to think of it as just a trendy subject or a buzzword rather than the very fabric of women’s lives. This is an effective way to kill a political movement, and it’s working."

Dayum. I quite like her "the love witch" film. It's pretty fun. Still have to see "Viva", though.

"women with exactly two premarital sex partners have consistently higher divorce rates than women with three to nine partners".... interesting, shame they didn't graph that data set.



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It's the sound of the future. :o)

I read most of these posts, I believe stopping after @Luciana's first big post about Love. After this, I kind of skimmed through, but I get things about Love, and about being a good Human Being that I did not understand 2 years ago. My mind's maturity grew after getting married. I found, and am continually finding out things about relationships, love and existence.

I do not know where to start but with myself. I grew up super co-dependent and dropping everything and anything that I wanted to do or was doing to help someone else. My brother was the most abusive. He would belittle and sexually abuse me even if I did what he asked was good work. Through the years I have no idea how robotic, and helpless I seemed to others. This made me think that everyone was after my body (men or women), my mind, or my spirit. This drove me to stay away from people, I just wanted to be alone, do things for myself, things I wanted to do, since I grew up with everyone doing things for me, telling me what I should be doing, etc.
It was not until getting married that I realized I can say no, and not feel bad about that. This one act was viewed as me changing and becoming defiant, not the "good boy" image my family and friends knew me for. Little did they know my mind was daydreaming of torturing them for pressuring me or making me feel bad to do certain things I hated doing.

I never saw myself getting married, and without thinking I decided one day to find an exotic woman who did not speak English and marry just to get out of my parents house. LOL.

I think I am jumping around, but bottom line is that I learned that I was and have always been my own worst enemy. It does not help that I had such needy people in my life, but I was too also needy. LOL.
I longed for my Dad who abandoned me before I was born. I cried for my Mom to be stronger, and adopted a fantasy that she was a Xena-like woman figure who was tough as nails, even though the opposite was true. She listened to anyone that had a Bible in their hand, which made me hate church people for a time.
I know I am not perfect, admit my mistakes when necessary, but only seek to find like-minds to grow, love and appreciate each other for who we are.
I despise labels, separation, political parties; humans were not meant for such division. We are meant to come together and unite, not debate foolish things that god-knows-who came up with for the masses.

Rich, poor, black, yellow, Islamic, jewish, gay, straight; I want to break bread with you and discuss things you like, and genuinely chime in. I want to look into your eyes and relate. I think that's all I had on my mind after reading your posts.

Could You Be, the Most Beautiful...I've Seen? Let's Turn On!